I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
