my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
