Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
