Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
