I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
