I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
