There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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