I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
