Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
