speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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