Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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