my phone needs a breathalizer
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
