I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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