Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm like, not good at living.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
