maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
