made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
