This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
