Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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