My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
