I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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