dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
