I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
worst night to have a conscience
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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