So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
