best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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