obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
