no, he came in my armpit
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
