He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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