Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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