My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
