If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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