I wanna bring you to show and tell
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
