that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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