i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
