my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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