College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
