The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
