Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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