I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
