I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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