Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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