She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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