If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
