just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize