First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
