I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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