wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
