you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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