I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
