Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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