how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
