chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
