Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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