im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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