I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need a shit load of segways right now
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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