Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
