is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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