I wish you could order shots online.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
