Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
