Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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