Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
