she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
