Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
