the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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