I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
