You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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