im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
