Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
