My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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