Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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