people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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