I love black thongs
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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