its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
