Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
