I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
