Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
