i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
