he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
