I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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