dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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