At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
